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When your child tells you about bullying: your first response matters
Listen without blame, assess safety and discuss specific protective steps with the school.
Hearing that a child has been mocked, excluded or threatened can understandably make an adult angry. Yet “Why did you not fight back?” may leave the child feeling responsible. Start by thanking them for telling you and making clear that you take the concern seriously.
Check safety first
Is there immediate danger, injury or an urgent threat? If so, seek appropriate immediate help. Otherwise, calmly ask where, when and around whom it happened. Avoid repeatedly questioning the child about the same details. Do not promise something outside your control, such as “It will never happen again.”
Keep information organised
Record dates, events and possible witnesses. For online bullying, preserve relevant messages securely without spreading them through large groups. Avoid unnecessarily circulating personal details or images. The aim is clear information for protection, not revenge.
Agree a plan with the school
Ask about safety and follow-up rather than punishment alone. Whom can the child approach? Who will support them in higher-risk areas? When will the plan be reviewed? Afterwards, explain the agreed steps to the child in age-appropriate language.
Continue noticing the emotional impact
Sleep, appetite, attendance and friendships may be affected. Do not force immediate forgiveness or forgetting. Severe distress, thoughts of self-harm or substantial loss of functioning require prompt professional support. Addressing bullying is not about expecting a child to become stronger alone.
Sources and further reading
UNICEF — How to talk to your children about bullying