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Pain during intimacy: not something you have to endure

Take pain seriously and prepare for medical assessment without assuming there is only one possible explanation.

Pain during intimacy is not something to be ashamed of. You do not have to continue in the hope that enduring it will make it disappear. There are different possible causes, and an online article cannot identify yours. Physical and psychological factors may occur together, making individual assessment important.

Stop what is painful

A partner's expectations or the length of a relationship do not require you to tolerate pain. Say that something is uncomfortable and stop. Your boundary must be respected. Sudden severe pain, substantial bleeding or other urgent symptoms may require immediate medical care.

Prepare a few details

It may help to note when the pain began, when it occurs, other symptoms and medicines you use. You do not need perfect medical terminology. Descriptions such as burning, tightness or pressure can be useful. Share necessary information in a safe setting.

Avoid settling on one explanation

Vaginismus may be relevant for some people, but not all pain is vaginismus. Infection, dryness and other medical causes may also need consideration. Do not independently use medicines, devices or forceful exercises. A clinician should explain the purpose, risks and alternatives of proposed care.

Communication and support

Talking without blame may help, but should not postpone medical assessment. Sexual-health or mental-health support may form part of care where appropriate. The aim is your health and freely chosen comfort, not achieving a particular activity at any cost. This text does not provide an individual diagnosis or treatment.

Sources and further reading

NHS — Vaginismus

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/vaginismus/